My last post was hurtful and hateful and I should have never written it.  I’ve hurt my friends and they didn’t deserve it.  I feel awful.  Really, I am upset with myself and my situation.  Things aren’t going very well lately, and I took it out on people that did not deserve it at all.  She was just trying to invite me to a fun night out.  Being in such a foul state of mind, I took it the wrong way and completely blew it out of proportion.

I screwed up.

With that said, I should update on what is really going on.  I have been feeling quite awful both physically and emotionally.  I’m in incredible pain and my meds don’t seem to be helping at all.  I’ve been getting headaches that are crippling.  Last week my physical therapist did some work on my neck and found that my C5 vertebra was twisted.  VERY gently she worked on loosening the muscles around it and put it in as much alignment as should could.  After that, my range of motion was so much better.  I could look up, which I couldn’t before hand, and my headache seemed to go away.  We thought that the twisted vertebra was the cause of it.  The next day I fell down the stairs, really messed up my body.  My ankle is sprained, shoulder jammed, elbow bruised and a lot of widespread aching. Now my headache is back and is getting to be intolerable.   The only way it’s not excruciating is if I am lying down, otherwise, my head starts to pound and feels as though someone is pushing down on my head.  Every time I go to stand up, or even sit up, my head starts pounding and I feel a black out coming on.

It never ends.  I feels like my life is being taken away from me… I’m not walking very well anymore, I am not able to hang out with my friends as I used to, I’m not able to participate in very much, I’m not allowed to be active anymore.  I feel like life is moving on without me.

I had a wheelchair evaluation the other day and it went really well.  I’m getting a C300 Corpus and it comes in PINK!!!!

It has all kinds of different functions which can be seen with the link I provided.  The ones I am getting is the Tilt Function which is the biggest thing.  The whole seat tilts backwards to relieve pressure off of my spine and pelvis and allow my to rest if I feel tired or faint.  The back of the seat can also be adjusted to recline, I’m not getting that power function but it can be adjusted manually.  The other function I will hopefully get is the lift function.  The seat will go up and down so that I can adjust to different levels, reach things in higher places, and be able to be somewhat eye level with friends when they are standing around talking.  I am really hoping that this chair gives me some of my independence back.